Change of Season

I can't believe fall is almost here! The leaves are changing to red, gold and orange and the grass is losing its rich green color. When seasons change it always reminds me of how God changes our "spiritual" seasons as well, although they may not go in the same order of mother nature. I love having all 4 seasons here in Oklahoma it makes me appreciate each season but yet look forward to the next. I think of that spiritually as well. God may put us in the desert for a while but He won't leave us there as long as we continue to find "water" so we can survive! God may put us in battles but will never forsake us as long as we trust in Him. I'm in a season of "wanting more" of Him but at the same time I get discouraged because I feel like many others are just riding in the boat while a few of us are paddeling vigorously through rough waters to get more of Him. I know, can feel that God is going to make big changes within myself and my family. Right now we are being patient or at least trying to be, to see what God has waiting for us at the end of the "rough" ride. God has been speaking to me more than ever and in many different ways such as dreams, music, and conversations with other people. I feel like I've gained a confidence within myself in the last year that I've never experienced before, and I'm loving it because it allows me to converse with people a lot easier about everything and most of all about God. I can't wait to see what God is going to reveal in the next several months, but I guess I will wait, besides there is nobody better to wait on than God!

God Is Good

A very unorganized blog entry! Just typing whatever comes to mind!

I've recently been thinking about why people choose to live the life they want to live and then blame God when things don't go the way they want them to go. I think most of us have been in that place before at some point in our life. For example I've got a relative that thinks I've always just had things handed to me, not true, being faithful to God always ends up in a blessing of some kind, whether financially, physically, mentally and of course spiritually. My relative chooses to live the life that he wants to live and not the life God wants him to life and therefore has never had stability or peace in his life. I think it's obvious what the problem is in his life and you'd think somebody would get tired of living that life especially when there's more in God. Sometimes we want God to bless us and take care of us when we don't do anything in return for Him. I think sometimes people want a "convienent" God, for example when something goes bad, we expect God to show up and take care of the problem and sometimes He does, He proves Himself and then we go live the life we lived before He took care of the problem. That doesn't make much sense to me because you'd think that would make somebody to want to serve God more seriously. Gosh, if I sound harsh I'm seriously not trying to be, I'm just speaking from what I've seen. God is God and living life for him isn't always easy, it wasn't intended to be, that's when faith comes in to push us through obstacles in life. I try to live the life God wants me to live and do the things He wants me to do, and sometimes there are sacrifices to make to satisfy God. For example, if I have to sacrifice a friendship to save their life then that's what is right. I don't try to "fake" my relationship with God, I try to stay true to who I am in God because He knows the desires of my heart. I know that God is good and faithful and can testify that for my own life and I'm extremely grateful for all the blessings in my life and in my family.

Sometimes unexpected gifts are some of the best (of course I'm talking about Jaxon because the Down Syndrome diagnosis was unexpected). Everyday Jaxon wakes up with a huge smile on his face and he makes me smile in return. It's nice to start a day off like that. I love looking at Jaxon in my rearview mirror because when he sees me he smiles so big and sometimes it'll make me emotional. Just seeing that joy in him makes me think about how God want us to feel with Him.

I love to hear the laughter of my kids, Jaylyn has got a smile so big that sometimes you can't even see her eyes! Hearing their laughter reminds me that we are children of God and he also loves to hear our laughter. God wants us to have fun in His presence, we don't always have to be so serious. Jaxon and Jaylyn love jumping/dancing (he actually sits while she jumps) on the bed and again this reminds me of how God loves to watch his children jump/dance in his presence.

Well one more thing....
Just over the past couple of months God has put several people in front of me that normally I wouldn't have any connection with. Just today I met a woman at Walmart, she asked "How old is your baby?" I told her, "19 months." She got tears in her eyes which made me emotional also and she said, "My sister has down syndrome and she's 40, I'm drawn to DS children. Keep your head up, I admire you, he is precious." She hugged me and said, "God bless you." It was such a encouraging conversation and I know God arranged that meeting because this has been happening a lot lately! I think there is always a connection with somebody when they have experienced some of the same things as you do and that makes it much easier to relate to each other. God is good and I'm looking forward to my next "meeting"!

Dream

Last night I had a dream that was very "real". We (Nathan, Jaxon, Jaylyn and myself) were at a revival (or some sort of event like that). There were so many people there that people were in multiple buildings. Nathan was leading worship in another building when an announcement was made for down syndrome children to meet in one of the empty buildings. I remember carrying Jaxon (he was probably between 5-7 in the dream) into the building, we stood by the door along the wall. There were probably 100 kids and teenagers there. A man began to pray for a young teen girl and she fell to the floor, he began to pray for another teen and he also fell to the floor. I remember having the feeling of knowing that God was there. The man then reached his arms toward the kids and said, "Healing, in the name of Jesus!" Immediately kids fell down like a domino effect throughout the room. My ankles "broke" and I fell to the floor. The man that was praying knew I was Nathan's wife and knew he was leading worship in the other building, he asked me to go on the stage and give a testimony about what the Lord has done. I didn't hesitate, but when I got up off the floor I myself was Down Syndrome. I couldn't walk because the Spirit of the Lord was so strong and I kept falling. It was like I didn't have any muscle in my entire body and I felt like "jello" jiggling around! He helped me up to the stage and once I got on the stage I could take a couple of steps but then I would fall again! I remember telling him that he was going to have to help me the whole time! He asked who was standing beside me and I told him that it was my older sister but she was just a lot smaller than me (I was twice as big as her!). As I began to give my testimony I thought I had "put myself back together" and would be able to stand on my own. I looked out to the people (I noticed my mom all the way in the back standing against the wall, she is the only person I recognized) and nobody had any Down Syndrome characteristics, God had obviously healed everybody in the room! Then all of a sudden I fell down again, this time I laughed so hard that I couldn't even get up off the floor even if I wanted to! Everybody in the room started laughing with me (obviously with Holy Ghost laughter)!

I believe God is going to give me more understanding of this dream but for now this is what I believe: I was a wife and mother when I walked into the room, the Holy Spirit arrived and healed the kids, I got up from the floor and had "Jaxon's" down syndrome but I was still Nathan's wife but at the same time I was "Jaxon", I was considered "high functioning". Jaylyn was standing next to me and since I was "Jaxon" that's why I called her my "big" sister even though she was a lot smaller than me. That image makes me think that God took away the physical appearance of small height (common in down syndrome) and replaced it with normal/average height. Nothing is too big for God and when I woke up this morning it seemed so real, it was uplifting and encouraging! I can't wait to see God move like this and at the same time I'm going to expect great things!

One Nation UNDER GOD

If you have read my previous blogs you should have an understanding of how I feel about God and government. As a Christian voter (notice I didn't say Democratic or Republican) I strongly believe that we must abide by the word of God and choose to do what is right and not "promote" destruction of God's Kingdom. I find it interesting that when we (I'll speak for the majority of Christians) simply stand up for what is right and challenge those that believe God and government do not coincide(many Christians believe this as well), we get attacked and told that we are "judging" or imposing our views on people and persuading them to vote as we do. Is it just their defense mechanism to use? I suppose so. God is God of everything or God of nothing, we can't tell God that He can be in charge of one thing but not of another! We (Christians) must continue to stress the importance of God's Word in the government to those that don't understand the unity between the two. We must prepare ourself for a battle because for some reason God and government rarely get mentioned in one conversation between two people much less in one sentence! It's time to stand up for "One Nation Under God!"

Note: I'm sure I will continue with this blog, this is all I have for now!

God and Government

I grew up "Democrat" simply because that is what my parents were registered as. I also believed that "democrats" were the "not so wealthy" people and "republicans" were the "rich" people. Within the last several years, I've changed my views but just within the last couple I've strongly changed my views on politics. I've come to realize doing God's will is the right thing to do and when we do that God always provides for us. It's time for us (christians) to step up and do our part for the nation (under God), we've got to elect people into our government(s) that are willing to do the right thing.
Why should God continue to bless us while "we" are allowing abortions and gay marriage? I can't vote for somebody who is going to allow those things to continue. However, we have to be ready to do our part when abortion is illegal, we have to be willing to teach girls how to be mothers and be willing to adopt babies/children. I can proclaim to be 100% pro-life right now but if I'm ever approached by a girl who says she is about to have an abortion, I have to be willing to offer to adopt her baby. That offer would truly describe being 100% pro-life. When I was younger I believed that it was the womans right to decide on that issue but now I know it's not, it's the baby's right. A baby is not at fault if the mother "accidentally" gets pregnant, it's never the baby's fault in any situation so it's rediculous to abort the baby. God doesn't destroy life, He creates it.

Truthfully it's not the governments place to take care of the poor and needy, it's ours, however I do understand that the government does have to assist at times. I (Jaxon) gets government assistance but I'm not going to let that allow how I vote simply because I want benefits. If I vote for what is right, God will provide. God doesn't want people to be poor and needy, if we vote for what is right everything will be taken care of. We're God's people, not "democrats" or "republicans", I'm gonna vote for what God wants and I want what God wants for this nation. Seriously, would God vote for somebody that his killing His children?!

Issues that are blatant sins are first and foremost to the Christian voter. Certain foreign policies and and "fiscal responsibilities" are not as subjective to blatant counteraction in the Word of God, allthough I'm sure God has an opinion on our foreign policy. True religion is helping the poor and widow, (according to the Bible) and in Psalms God states that He Fathers the fatherless and protects the widow in His habitation. He would more likely inhabit a nation that doesn't kill the unborn, or endorse the sins of Sodom--no political party can end fatherlessness or hunger or poverty--only Him. We cannot keep endorsing "sin" as a choice, or we may as well say that murder or stealing should be a person's "right" as well. There are some issues that are debatable for the Christian community and have nothing to do with party--there are some issues that directly go against God's Word and are not up for debate if we are Christians.There are pro-choice republicans and pro-life democrats out there. Political party is not totally the issue, the issue is if we should elect a person that wants to kill babies that are born and even survive an abortion because of their original intent to kill it, raise my taxes so that welfare checks get bigger, allow and endorse homosexual unions, and tell Rick Warren on tv that the question about what his Christianity means to him is a "tough question". That is not a tough question to any true Christian.

I'm aware that it is not a democrat/republican issue however, I know God will take care of the economy when we settle the 2 major issues of abortion and gay marriage because in reality we are killing babies that God created to be used to glorify His kingdom. Another way that I look at is like this...just because we have a "choice" doesn't mean that a person killing somebody is right just because it's his/her choice. I'm not trying to argue with people it's just time for US to speak up, God is a part of the government, it's just that we have let our worldly needs interfere with His will for this nation He created.

It is a person's right, technically, to murder and steal--I belive that. It's a different story if our government makes it legal to choose to do so, and we just let God deal with them because we are pro-choice when it comes to murder--but anti-murder. Abortion issues are dealing with the shedding of innocent blood. The death penalty, (which without it, we would not have had a Savior crucified--so God must endorse it) is not dealing with the shedding of innocent blood according to our country's court system which has its flaws but does let more go free in wrong doing than punish the innocent. 9/11 dealt with the shedding of innocent blood. The same organizations around the globe cry out for action where there are injustices upon the innocent--genocide, etc. But they refuse to want to take action on behalf of innocent 9/11 victims, mass nameless graves of the innocent found in Iraq under their previous dictator, and 50,000,000 innocent babies. It goes back to Abel as his blood cried out from the ground, and runs through to revelation where the innocent are around the throne asking God when He will avenge their blood. Do we really think our country will prosper financially if we change this law or that law, and God will pull us out of our debt as a nation while we trample 50,000,000 more innocent in our own genocide issue here? That would be our biggest sign of arrogance and pride--thinking we can just change policy and "think" our way into financial gain (we can do it ourselves) all the while ignoring His stance ..ion and killing His blessing (or "punishment"--an exact Obama quote) of a newborn child. This election does have many issues within it. Economy, Immigration, Marriage, etc. I just feel that as long as we continue to slaughter babies in the name of our law and our "choice" that this will be our arrogant downfall and our nation will not be blessed in its economy or education system, etc. we won't protect the children in the womb, but expect our laws and policies to cover that sin up and bless that same generation in our school system and through their careers. I'm afraid it's a burden much greater than a national debt, or empty social security fund that we are handing down to our children and their children. it's the curse of being unwanted, unfathered/unmothered, and man's law being above God's law ultimately.

Jaxon, Jaylyn, Colorado

I'm so excited, Jaxon is walking(with his toy)! The other night he just decided to take off walking with his push toy. He never gave any indication that he was even interested before. Over the past couple of weeks he has really been watching Jaylyn run around the house like a wild monkey so maybe that caught his attention. He been walking along furniture and stuff but this is the first time he took steps in a forward direction and now he won't stop! Last year sometime I had told Nathan that maybe when Jaxon was walking we would try to another baby but just a couple of months ago I said that if he is walking before Christmas we might have to wait on that baby! Not so sure I'm ready to do everything all over again right now. Jaxon is doing great, he recognizes momma and daddy and stomps his foot (while sitting) when he gets mad! He loves bouncing on the bed and falling backwards (have to really watch because he'll fall right off the bed), loves swinging ( prefers high and fast) so we go to the park as much as we can., loves Veggietales and Dora, he gets very excited and starts "yelling" at the tv when Swiper the fox comes out.

Jaylyn is gonna be 4 in February, time has gone so fast! I mentioned to Nathan the other day that it seems like I was just shopping for her baby stuff yesterday. She is growing like a weed she is still tall for her age compared to other kids. I decided not to put her in headstart, figured it would be best to keep her at home with Jaxon as much as possible right now to help him learn. Candy always makes her feel better. She got in trouble last week at K-mart and told me that candy would make her feel better.

Crossing her eyes (in different angles) is gonna make her famous one day. I can't stop laughing when she does it! We sing the song "If You're Happy and You Know It" a lot in the car but she doesn't like it when I tell her "if you're happy and you know it, poop your pants!" It's hilarious to watch her reaction to that line. She loves to sing, constantly singing or humming a song all the time, usually "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" or "Row, Row, Row You're Boat". I'm her bestfriend, she tells me all the time and when I can't get her to hold my hand when walking into a store, I tell her that bestfriends hold hands and she says, oh, ok. Works everytime!

We got back from Colorado Springs September 14th. I've been there before but didn't get to see much it was just a trip there and right back the next day. The Riders led worship at a worship gathering, it was really good (the time that I got to go, we took the kids). It was amazing to have over a thousand people come together for a powerful time of prayer, praise and worship. So the times that we had to "leave" service we usually went shopping. I only shop at stores with shopping carts, Nathan makes fun of me when I say buggie. Does anybody else call them buggies?! I know people do but I can't convince him of that. When we were not shopping we just drove around, the scenery is absolutely beautiful, it's so clean and pretty, the leaves were starting to change. It's for sure a place I'd like to go every year just to get away and from the way things went last weekend, I think we'll be going back often!

Special Appointment

Once a year I have to go to the Social Security Administration office to update Jaxon's paperwork etc... I usually always do everything at the Ada office. So in June I went in and turned in the papers that they (the Shawnee office) needed so that the Ada office could fax them to Shawnee. I received a letter around the middle of June from the Shawnee office saying that they never received paperwork. I called Ada and was instructed to schedule a meeting at the Shawnee office. I was aggravated because I was going to have to do everything all over and complained about having to go to Shawnee for the meeting because I'd always done everything at Ada but God knew why.
I went to Shawnee for the appointment and a young woman called me back to her desk. She was about 27 I believe, very nice and very helpful. As she started going over paperwork, she says, "Oh, so he's down syndrome, how has that been?" I said, "Well it was hard at first but now it's fine." She says, "I just found out that my baby is down syndrome." I immediatley knew that God had sent me there specifically for her! I asked her if it was a boy or girl. She said boy and I'm due in October. I just encouraged her by telling her that Jaxon has brought so much joy to my life and I love him so much. She said that her baby's organs looked healthy in the ultrasound and that his heart looked good. It's her and her husbands first baby, she was shocked when they first got the news, because she is so young. Her bloodwork came back positive, ultrasound positive and the amniocentesis was positive. I told her that all of my tests were normal and that I was her age during my pregnancy with Jaxon. We continued talking and realized that we had a lot in common, our husbands are both musicians, our husbands families had many musicians. After we were finished with our interview I brought Jaxon in so she could meet him, she fell in love with him and said that she couldn't wait to have her baby. She took pictures of him with her cell phone so she could show her husband, of course Jaxon smiled from ear to ear, he knows when he is getting his picture taken! We exchanged emails, I invited her to church (they were in the process of looking), gave her The Rider's cd and she said that they will visit our church. I told her that I had been griping about having to come to Shawnee for the meeting and she said that there was a reason why and I agreed.

Jaxon Jude

On December 18th, 2006 God blessed us with our son Jaxon Jude. As a Christian I've always known that God won't give us things we can't handle but when the doctor told me he suspected Jaxon had Down's Syndrome, my heart dropped instantly and I cried and cried non-stop. My husband(Nathan), daughter (Jaylyn) and his parents had left to get something to eat (I was in the room by myself when the doctor came in) and I remember thinking to myself that I didn't want them to come back because I didn't want to tell Nathan what the doctor suspected. As soon as they walked in the door I cried uncontrollably, finally after about 10 minutes I told them the news. Everybody was in shock and immediately just started praying. How do you pray for a situation like this? We just prayed that God's will be done and that God would provide strength and comfort.

My pregnancy was completely normal not much different from my first. The bloodwork and ultrasound all came back normal, so we didn't prepare for the diagnosis. The labor and delivery was much easier than the first! Jaylyn was almost 9lbs and Jaxon was only about 6lbs!

God has done amazing things since Jaxon was born and I couldn't be more thankful for a smile that makes me smile every morning. Nothing is better than starting a day with a smile on your face. I know God is going to do great things through Jaxon to glorify His kingdom!